clean talk communication

I invite you to let me know. 4 Reasons Why "Clean Talk Communication" is Important. What are the principles of clean communication? . You say "Clean Talk's inclusion of judgments in its basic recipe (data, feeling, judgment, want) is based on a belief that human beings judge all the time, and that we must do so in order to survive. In my language, Id say human beings use discernment all the time, and must do so in order to survive; I think we agree on this. 1. To some extend this can and does work and sometimes it doesnt. Something acts as an NVC-style need if it draws attention to something that is wanted in a way that people are likely to have sympathy for and find understandable, and at a level of abstraction that supports flexibility in thinking about possible ways of addressing it. I think his talk of never hearing thoughts was meant as a wake-up-call to people "lost in their heads" who might believe they can rely purely on reason to navigate through conflict, without opening themselves to feelings, compassion, and empathic understanding. The result highly resilient work partnerships that produce positive performance. Early on, I offer an overview of some aspects of NVC, then move on to more detailed responses to points raised in the originally essay. Real-Time Email Address Existence Validation to increase your conversion rate. I think NVC encourages us simply to be aware of the ways that they can hurt, especially at times and in certain contexts. In this type of talk, I think Rosenberg had a sense that most people tend towards far more focus on head than on heart, to the detriment of their connection with others. You quote Chapman Flack saying, "[Dr. Rosenberg's] advice never to hear thoughts . As I understand it, what Dr. Rosenberg says amounts to expressing concern about some nuances of how we appreciate and encourage one another, not something that goes against the basic idea. Choose from Clean Talk stock illustrations from iStock. You write "Dr. Rosenberg appears to consider only the most negative of these definitions as the meaning of a judgment essentially, to equate judgment with condemnation. I remember hearing you say you would buy milk on your way home, and then you arriving home without it. Instead of saying, ""Would you be willing to connect with me? I would be more inclined to say something like, Would you be willing to talk about this now, for about 5 minutes?. When we raise our voice, withdraw into cold hostility, adopt a sneering tone, or employ biting sarcasm, we can wound those we love. I have seen this particularly in the context of meetings. Note to self: Ive seldom seen this taught formally. I'm feeling irritated, wanting logic that I can make sense of, especially when I hear that logic coupled to words I interpret as suggesting the violation of values I hold dear. My sense is that NVC offers both means and encouragement to "acknowledge work well done or to offer blessing or support, and that doing these things is strongly encouraged in the NVC community. So, I suppose it is naturally that there are words that are in a grey zone slightly but not extremely charged, and naming important experiences that are hard to point to otherwise so that they get included on NVC feelings lists, and it is hoped that the practitioner will use discernment about whether it is likely to be helpful or unhelpful to use that word in the context of a particular conversation. I think that is both unnecessary and unwise." One thing we want to mention is that more and more transactions switch to online and this is where we can help you in bad IP-addresses detection. For example, "I want to be close to you, because I love you.". Even in this context, I don't believe those statements were meant to be taken literally, except as guidance for when you've been ignoring your heart and things haven't been going well. Here are some examples of global labels, and how they could be better rendered as specific critiques of behavior instead of character: As MFP put it, the essence of a you message is simply this: Im in pain and you did it to me. And theres usually this subtext: You were bad and wrong for doing it to me. When people slight us, it may be true that they are entirely, or almost entirely, to blame. By way of evidence that NVC's approach to anger can lead to profound transformations, I'd like to mention a domestic violence intervention programthat is based on Nonviolent Communication achieved a zero-percent recidivism rate (after 5 years) among convicted batterers, where the best conventional intervention program for this demographic is said to lead to around 40 percent recidivism. And one of the most important factors in creating and sustaining these warm, intimate relationships is communication. Couple Skills by Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning, and Kim Paleg. Products Bestsellers. Boeing will work with NASA to "build, test, and fly a full-scale demonstrator aircraft and validate technologies aimed at lowering emissions," the agency said. Want to start taking action on the content you read on AoM? In contrast, couples who know how to discuss their disagreements in a healthy way are able to nip problems in the bud before they turn into big, relationship-ending issues. "Be present, open up, and do what's important," is the shorthand for the skills and . We also offer strategy and execution for integrated marketing communication programs, including brand journalism, public relations, influencer engagement and content marketing. It helps fuel the body with vitamins and minerals, supports maintaining blood sugar levels, and adds crucial nutrition and lifestyle shifts to keep hormonal peace. If the latter, it may spell the end; clean communication offers the best possible chance of relationship success, but doesnt guarantee it if you just arent right for each other. Be the first to write a review. Some people may interpret NVC as saying people shouldnt express interpretations, and if so, I agree that this is unduly limiting. The score for this software has improved over the past month. Im tired of your perpetual poor me attitude., Maybe if you were more of a man, youd be able to handle this., Youd probably feel better if you got off your fat, lazy ass and finally did something about it., Youre just being ungrateful like always. Most often, I dont find that requests lead to these sort of problems. The premier brands our team has collectively supported across the cleantech value chain represent over $1 trillion in market capitalization. I think it was more about establishing a certain detachment with regard to our judgments, not taking them too seriously, and developing a habit of using our judgments as doorways to deeper, more loving, experiences. Im guessing you just didnt manage to do it, and I want it to be totally okay for you to be human. Interpersonal conflicts seem to often be deeply rooted in differing interpretations. As an NVC practitioner, I dont try to block judgments from happening and I notice and acknowledge them as they arise, but I also dont dwell on them or believe that they are true. I take them as a signal that something needs attending to, and I look at the situation through the lens of (NVC-style) needs, and attend to the needs in play (mine and others). The key to this kind of positive interaction is what the authors of Couple Skills call clean communication. Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning, and Kim Paleg (hereafter referred to as MFP) define clean communication as taking responsibility for the impact of what you say. By being more intentional about their communication techniques and leaving out rhetoric that wounds ones partner and creates defensiveness, a couple creates a safe place in which to honestly and respectfully work through their differences. Create sincere, inviting body language by relaxing your face, making warm eye contact, leaning forward, keeping your arms uncrossed, and nodding to show youre listening. New Dawn Works is a Yelp advertiser. No Captcha, no questions, no counting animals, no puzzles, no math. Maybe fatigue, though thats not as comfortable a word for some to use? One way of expressing the concern behind NVCs advice on this is that it can be harmful to praise or offer compliments that imply that there is an objective standard of goodness and that the speaker is entitled to pronounce judgments on behalf of that objective standard. What is important about something NVC calls a need is that it: Focusing on needs ideally tends to support: Ultimately, I think some core goals of NVC are to offer a way of thinking and speaking that supports: NVC is intended to support a paradigm shift in how we relate to self and others, and how we invite others to relate to us. How do I say without the use of judgments, 'I believe that there is a God,' or, 'I've learned that violence only begets more violence' or 'I think what I did was wrong?. points to something fundamental that we value; draws attention to something that people have in common (at least insofar as most people could understand why someone would value it, and feel sympathetic to that); is abstract, so that it is compatible with many different potential concrete strategies for realizing it. One example of this is that excess focus on thinking can be risky at times, in the relational realm, but abstract thought is essential to teaching. You say that the Magician is the "head" or "mind" part of us, and share some quotes in which Marshall says". Podcast #862: Heal the Body With Extended Fasting, Podcast #761: How Testosterone Makes Men, Men, How Saunas Can Help Save Your Body, Mind, and Spirit, Podcast #852: The Brain Energy Theory of Mental Illness, The Insanely Difficult Standards of Historys Hardest P.E. I think the section you referenced to come to this conclusion might be better summarized as Dr. Free US Delivery | ISBN:1524916137. Its true that NVC makes it harder to shame someone, if that is one's intention but, Im not sure that shaming produces the effects a parent would really want to produce if they thought about all aspects of their childs situation. We are simply talking about the case where all we really know is that they said no to our request. . Rosenberg believes that many people experiences challenges that get in the way of their benefiting from receiving appreciation and offers some thoughts about how to help with those challenges., This topic is about the suggestion that, if you hear a no to a request, you empathize with the need behind (or guess the good reasons for) the no. CleanTalk plugin sends action parameters into the CleanTalk cloud. "Maybe if you were more of a man, you'd be able to handle this.". We take responsibility for the anger as ours, and not as being about them in the way that it might superficially appear to be. On the other hand, if I asked Are you able to give me a ride? this wouldnt seem to risk any assumptions about ability, but there would be a risk that the person would think Im implying that they should say yes if they are physically able to comply, even if they dont actually want to. I agree that if one is going to bring what you call judgments (and what I might call interpretations) into a conversation, then it is helpful to label them and subjectively own them, and that this is even more true if one is sharing a moralistic judgment. Readers will likely need to reference the essay,A Comparison of Clean Talk and Nonviolent Communication (NVC),to make sense out of my responses. I thought to myself, That's a telling question that reveals a confusion of boundaries." To me, NVC is best thought of, not as a set of rules, but as a collection of insights, to be applied in a context-sensitive way, with discernment. It seems to me that sometimes the words are impeccable, but there is an energetic quality that leads to conversations not being fully alive, not flowing and evolving in a way that leads to shifts in individuals and warm connection growing between people. My take on your comparison is that the issues you point to, variously: It all seems valuable to me to engage with. U.S. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen agreed with Chinese Vice Premier Liu He to enhance communication about macroeconomic and financial issues during a "candid, substantive, and constructive . . Yes and they are also signals concerning what is going on inside us, about how we have processed the information about what is going on around us. I dont know that you can understand NVCs stance on judgments if you only use the word judgment in the Clean Talk way, and fail to differentiate between "moralistic judgments" and other types of judgments. I notice that tired doesnt have clear non -ed alternatives there is exhausted but that has an -ed, and sleepy doesnt mean the same thing. Consider whether it would be helpful to name this as a useful option. You talk about people being "uncomfortable using the word judgment and offer contexts in which it might be comfortable to use the word I am a little puzzled by why this subsection is there do you think that Rosenbergs position has something to do with being uncomfortable using the word judgment? Is it that?". I agree that some of the words you might find on some NVC feelings lists might include the potential to contribute to the speaker or the listener perceiving responsibility being outside the speaker, and that this is a concern. The best for a personal blog or small or medium size business website. I view learning how to communicate in more satisfying ways as an ongoing exploration, and Im continually trying to identify gaps in what I share with others about this topic, and in my own understanding. Some such words have alternate forms, e.g., disappointment or disgust or shock; perhaps using these formswithout -edwould be more congruent with self-responsibility? ", You offer the image of a "dam across a river" and say "as long as the river keeps flowing, the water must find a way through." It can easily encourage precisely the sort of good/bad dichotomous thinking NVC means to transform. I am curious about ways in which we might explicitly talk about interpretations as a part of conversations intended to transform conflicts. So, he made extreme statements intended to shock people out of overly head-oriented habits. The idea is to find a way to let go of blame and moralistic judgment while retaining the full importance of the underlying concerns that that blame and judgment was pointing towards. They also point to distinctive experiences that arent named as accurately by something like sad. After practicing NVC for decades, he still carried around a notebook where he would record his judgments, so that he could work on transforming them when he had a chance. For the record, I think that one can in NVC express anger as one would any other emotion (and doing so might sound fairly similar to your Clean Talk examples). Remember when I spent all weekend cleaning the house before your folks arrived and you never even said thank you?, Its always the same damned thing with you. In 1973, apparently Marshall Rosenberg specifically cautioned against talking about needing something, out of a concern that this would convey an unhelpful sense of Its an emergencyI have to have this thing I say Im needing. Over the years, Marshall wrestled with how to address certain problems that he wanted NVC to be able to address, and this eventually led to Marshall including something he chose to call needs as a central feature of the model. ", You say "Despite his expressed dislike for thinking in general and for judgments in particular, I see Dr. Rosenberg suggesting that an NVC user make an extraordinary number of judgments, to divine the needs of ourselves and others, to respond to the "deeper meanings" beneath another person's words (p.9), to sense the other person's reality (p.97), and, when a request is refused, to guess what the other person is feeling or needing.". For, example, if were paraphrasing in response to something someone has expressed (usually something more substantial than just no), we might say, Could I check to see if Im getting what youre saying? CleanTalk eliminates the need for CAPTCHA, questions&answers and other ways which use complicated communication methods for spam protection on your site. There is, of course, a danger that someone may not transform their anger, yet misinterpret NVC to mean they should pretend they're not angry, and this may lead to some of the sort of negative consequences you're concerned about. Parameters are written to the log which can be viewed in the Dashboard service. Cleantech Communication is the preeminent consultancy for trailblazing cleantech businesses serious about. I imagine it as a practical question, that need not have any deeper meaning. If one combines the assertions Joe did something violent and Violence is harmful and the implicit Harming is bad and wrong, then it is a slippery slope to condemning Joe and thinking that this is right and natural. Cha c sn phm trong gi hng. I imagine trying to express all such judgments as leading to an infinite regress, and I can't imagine how it could be viable to assert that it would be necessary or beneficial to express these. My take on this is that using the word want (then following it with an NVC-style need) is generally a safer way of practicing NVC, and that Dr. Rosenberg used the word need sometimes primarily for pedagogical purposes. I'm tired of your perpetual 'poor me' attitude." "Maybe if you were more of a man, you'd be able to handle this." "You'd probably feel better if you got off your fat, lazy ass and finally did something about it." Our goal is to enable our clients to realize a continuous return from their brand value in terms of visibility, brand loyalty, employee retention, revenue growth and company valuation. This is a case where the difference in the models likely explains the differences in the lists of what are considered feelings. Clean Talk includes the option of expressing judgments when they are clearly labeled as such. It doesn't seem to occur to either the principal or Dr. Rosenberg that the goal of attending the meeting need not be summarily dropped in favor of spending an unspecified length of time with the student, that the situation might be a both/and rather than an either/or." You write "Without expressing judgments, for example, how do I share my most precious beliefs with my children or those I teach or mentor? Your partner either will not be sure what youre driving at, or will take umbrage at your not simply saying what you mean. Join more than 724 000 websites trusting CleanTalk, Anti-Spam Features. 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What is skillful around duration of speaking or listening depends on context. What Should You Do? Needs reflect the most distinctive and profound aspect of the NVC model. Which want might it be helpful to express? Cloud & invisible spam protection for websites. User-friendly and easy-to-use communication aid is lightweight and portable. There is a profound mental shift that needs to be practiced in order to achieve an inner paradigm shift. NVC seems to often be able to transform conflicts without wading too far into the interpretations. How is New Dawn Works rated? This pseudo-objectivity and deep association with extrinsic motivators render such language and judgments as instruments of social and interpersonal control in ways that make conversations involving moral disagreements unsafe and fraught with challenge. Fight spam! Brett & Kate McKay September 17, 2014 Last updated: September 25, 2021. In the example you offered, the inaccuracy could also have been exposed by sharing an observation such as "You didn't call me" without layering on judgment (pejorative speculation about others reasons) by saying "You couldn't be bothered to call me.". I personally advise my students NOT to use the word need when speaking using NVC, to minimize the likelihood of such misunderstandings. I'm not aware that Rosenberg talked about this distinction, about different contexts, different types of Talk, but it's something he seemed to intuitively know. . And, if taken too literally, or applied at times where that guidance isn't as relevant, it could lead one astray. I can understand why Dr. Rosenberg might want to focus primarily on moralistic judgments, and use judgment as a convenient shorthand for that, while you might prefer to use judgment in a broader sense. Work opportunities - job leads that maybe in your area. It seems like youve been busier, and I dont know if thats just because your classes are hard this semester or you just havent been as interested in hanging out [Thoughts]. This is based on user satisfaction (60/100), press buzz (56/100), recent user trends (rising), and other relevant information on CleanTalk gathered from around the web. You write "Clean Talk requires that the speaker state how they would benefit as a way of fully owning what they want. In principle, I generally like this idea. The talking wall operates by using a thin durable Mylar diaphragm for sound transfer. Regarding hurt and injured I agree that these are risky in that they can be held as implying an agent who caused these. You say "What strikes me most about this practice is that it attempts to hide what we're really feeling from the other person, which seems to me a form of deception. I respectfully disagree. Note to self: If one were to invite people to name judgments rather than allowing them to hide in the shadow, this might be the way to do it. On the other hand, when Rosenberg or anyone else teaches, they are engaged in a type of different activity, using what I might term Concept Mapping Talk transmitting concepts and how they relate to one anotherand the guidance that is relevant toteaching (once we've addressed the relational issue of whether there is consent to be together in a teaching context) is different than the guidance that relevant to addressing the relationship between us. I suspect it was a habit unique to the person you were listening to. If it's a spam bot, then CleanTalk blocks this comment or registering. CleanTalk Awards. You say "Dr. Rosenberg equates anger with the desire to find fault; he writes that anger 'indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyze and judge somebody' (p.143). It can be installed on glass or plexiglas window, doors and thick walls. Note to self: Consider seeking more understanding around this point, to support assessing whether this is something I feel would add useful clarity. Why dont you take our finances more seriously? Our service allows you to focus your time on developing and improving the website and business, without being distracted by extraneous tasks. PNDC offers forms for sharing interpretations in ways that are likely to support connection. You mention Rosenberg's "suggestion that we guess what the other person is feeling and needing, which seems to assume the other person isn't capable of describing it, and therefore rather condescending." There is a way in which I agree with you, in thinking that NVC misses some opportunities for supporting people in relating to and talking about interpretations more explicitly and skillfully. Ive been feeling distant from you and confused about the status of our relationship [Feelings]. In: In some groups of NVC practitioners, when any emotional intensity arises, this can lead to a shift in attention to attend to it which may last long enough to subvert the purpose of the meeting. People are understood as having powerful intrinsic motivation to contribute to life and to one anothers well-being, which can blossom when these impulses are not being dampened by a coercive milieu. But what actually comes out of our mouths may only be a slice of that bigger picture a partial fragment that is then misconstrued by our partner. Would you be wiling to tell me what youre hearing me say?. I notice that when I read this, I don't share or like the judgment of a "confusion of boundaries." Being compared negatively to someone else sure can sting. Yes, making beliefs explicit and expressing them, can help with this but I wonder if there is support for realizing the tendency towards beliefs to be unduly limiting in the experiences they allow us to access? For NVC to offer rigid rules would not be congruent with the type of attitudes NVC hopes to foster in its practitioners. And, in the ways many individuals practice NVC, it doesnt always successfully do that. This, at last, brings us to a point where there may be enough shared background for me to address certain of the issues you raised in your essay. What days are New Dawn Works open? 4 Reasons Why "Clean Talk Communication" is Important During some of my recent coaching sessions, I have both noticed my clients leaning toward wordiness and/or my clients would have to address wordiness in others. There is an intermediate step, if one hasnt gone through this sort of processing: One can remind oneself that our anger isnt the full truth of the situation, and that the blame component of what we feel is only there because we havent done the work to understand the situation more deeply. (These are my own definitions, but they likely roughly correspond to what other NVC trainers would think of when they hear these terms. And, if what I did was wrong means, knowing what I know now, I wish I had made a different choice I feel sad and long for the wisdom to make different choices going forward then I wouldnt regard that as moralistic and would be happy to have it be expressed. I hope you've gotten something out of this as well. You express a concern that, "NVC loses a precious opportunity here, particularly for parents, mentors, teachers, and others who wish to acknowledge work well done or to offer blessing or support. Im not sure what you think NVC is advocating for that that would prevent this from happening? You also express concern that the word hurt can be taken to imply that someone has done the hurting to us. NVC does, I think, invite us to examine more closely certain beliefs, especially beliefs that we think we can only express in moralistic terms. Clean Talk TM is a communications approach specifically designed for expressing challenging or difficult messages by using language to evoke collaboration rather than compliance, proaction rather than reaction, and agility rather than rigidity. Some people win, some people lose; and often, if you look closely, everyone loses. I have a sense that your "second-level want" is philosophically close to NVC's "need"both are about going to the deeper meaning that is at the heart of the conversation. NVC has some practices, related to connecting to needs that can sometimes release people from these traps. Your partner may come to accept the implementation of your ultimatum or it may drive a wedge in your relationship. 30, 33, 72, 86, 122, etc.).. The idea of making empathy guesses in the case where the other person says no is also an example of suggesting something for teaching purposes that wouldnt necessarily always be done that way in practice. In the story I made up, there was a role play happening, and the person just wanted to know whether they were being asked to be themselves, or put themselves in another's shoes.
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